Two Realities

I started this post a week or so ago and then decided not to write it. I'm back to try and sort through the feelings that prompted it so I can get on with my life. I feel I live in two worlds. One is the news world where so much is at risk, there seems to be so little progress and people are generally unkind or unforgiving or angry. The other is the everyday world inhabited by most of my friends and the rest of the world. It's the mundane, everyday life that most of us share. We sleep, work, read, travel or whatever suits us. Days pass and life goes on. Many people see no conflict with these two worlds, primarily by spending little time in the first. I find the two almost opposite in nature and find I need to choose one or the other. I hope I'm wrong.

The News Reality: I read a variety of articles, mostly on the internet - NYT, WAPO, blogs, and local news. I've been drawn in by the Health Care "debate"; the financial meltdown; global warming; extinction of species; in Afganistan and Iraq; humanitarian crises in Darfur, Congo, Pakistan, Somalia, New Orleans among others; and the extreme partisanship and anger in the country. I feel this stuff passionately and personally but feel powerless in its face. I'm impressed by those who move forward in little steps to save a child, a school, a refugee population, or those hit by a natural disaster, among many things. But for me, I feel little steps are too small and big steps are beyond me. The bad news paralizes. A friend tells me I get too upset - that the world has gone on for eons and it will go on. I find that the only way to come even close to that equanimity is to ignore the news completely, almost like an alcoholic refraining from alcohol.

The Real World Reality: The withdrawal from news works wonders for this world and it makes me realize why so many people decline to be activists. My life isn't exciting, I go through it without much awareness of days and weeks passing until another milestone appears and I realize another year has gone. I claim that in this world my mantra is "Do no harm". I try to contribute to charity, live a fairly green life, try to be polite to strangers and kind to friends and acquaintances. I don't know if I succeed but I do try. The only problem is I feel guilty. I feel like I have contributed nothing to the world. I used to repeat a quotation that 99% of the people were born to fill graves and I didn't want to be one of them. I can't find any references to that quotation so now, I'm not even sure it exists. Perhaps that is a sign that it is alright to move on and become one with the 99%.